Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) @ Atlanta Falcons
- Seattle: In the preseason Seattle was predicted to finish everywhere from 1st to 4th in their 4 team division. These past two weeks have proven why.
- Atlanta: The Falcons traded Sanu but have kept Dan Quinn (so far). To try to get people to show up to games, the Falcons are offering $2 hot dogs. They could offer people Chic Fil-A but...
TL;DR Seahawks were on a freight train to the playoffs before the Lamar hype train set them back. Look for that train to get back on schedule this week.
Denver Broncos @ Indianapolis Colts (-6.0)
- Denver: Denver was the Sharp Money Favorite going into their TNF matchup with Patrick and Company. And then Patrick dislocated his kneecap. Even with momentum, money and no Mahomes - Denver couldn’t overcome their biggest problem - Joe Flacco.
- Indianapolis: Jacoby was AFC Offensive Player of the Week and the Colts took the inside track on the AFC South title. The Colts were always about more than Andrew Luck
TL;DR Broncos trading away Manny Sanders means only 4 starters are left from their Super Bowl 50 roster.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5)
- Tampa Bay: The Bucs are the best 2-4 team in the NFL. Here’s hoping Jameis left his interceptions behind in London.
- Tennessee: Tannehill gave the Titan’s offense some sizzle. We said some. Not sure anyone has used the word sizzle to describe the Titans since the Music City Miracle.
TL;DR Mariota played Jameis Winston on the scout team in Tennessee this week. Woof.
Arizona Cardinals @ New Orleans Saints (-10.5)
- Arizona: Kliff and Kid are starting to click, and it’s showing. The new rule is that you can hire anyone under 40 to coach your NFL team and everyone will think that your franchise is “on the right track.” At least for a few years.
- New Orleans: The Saints Revenge Tour continues. Quick! Can you think of another team that was led to the Super Bowl by a young unproven QB who replaced the aged face of the franchise after he went down with a midseason injury? That’s right- The Miami Sharks from Any Given Sunday.
TL;DR The return of everyone’s favorite system quarterback Drew Brees!
Cincinnati Bengals @ Los Angeles Rams (-13.0)
- Cincinnati: Okay, so maybe ALL head coaches under 40 in the NFL aren’t immediate success stories, but at least they get to play in London this week!
- Los Angeles: Goff & Co is back on track. McVay is back to being a man-boy genius. This, and other delusional takes on the Rams will continue into Week 8.
TL;DR If it feels good to get back on track...gimme a WOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOO
Philadelphia Eagles @ Buffalo Bills (-1.5)
- Philadelphia: Doug Pederson, we see you behind that ridiculous visor. Lane Johnson, Are you still having fun? In a must win, take control of your season, divisional game, the Eagles were...flat.
- Buffalo: Don’t let a 10 point margin of victory confuse you, the Dolphins shook the Bills confidence last Sunday.
TL;DR The Eagles biggest weakness is their secondary. The Bills biggest weakness is their QB. Should be some high quality football.
Los Angeles Chargers @ Chicago Bears (-4.0)
- Los Angeles: The Chargers are a laughing stock with Rivers throwing tantrums on the sidelines and their “premier” running back fumbling the ball on the goal line. They are always inventing new ways to lose.
- Chicago: Party’s over. The Bears ran the ball SEVEN times at home against the Saints last weekend. So the running game isn’t good and the QB is a certified disaster. Paging Andy Dalton?
TL;DR Quick - who is a bigger disappointment to their team: Melvin Gordon or Mitch Tribusky?
New York Giants @ Detroit Lions (-7.0)
- New York: No one looks more pathetic when he loses than part-time Hagrid character actor/ full-time head coach Matt Patricia.
- Detroit: In a battle of OROY QBs, Danny Dimes took a third row minivan back seat to Kyler Murray. Yet, he wasn’t the worst QB in New York last weekend so Dimes has some confidence heading into MoTown.
TL;DR Detroit’s season is on the brink, but the Giants season is over.
New York Jets @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-6.0)
- New York: Sam Darnold said the Jets were a healthy TE away from an unstoppable offense. Now he says he can see ghosts.
- Jacksonville: Jacksonville: As Minshew Mania has plateaued a bit, Nick Foles has started practicing again. The Jags have a real decision looming with Mr. Moustache or Mr. Philly Special.
TL;DR Jacksonville shed themselves of Jalen Ramsey and stopped a 2 game losing streak. A win away from .500 and the Jags are still in the playoff race in a pretty pathetic AFC.